Finding Peace of Mind in these Uncertain Times

Taking Control - From the Inside Out

As we are faced with daily news and stories of the latest dramatic repercussions of COVID19, it can be hard to stay positive. In fact, many of us are living with a dark grey lump lodged in the pit of our stomach. It’s called fear. 

Besides feeling scared of getting infected yourself, you may be worried about an aging relative, of losing your job or business, or not being able to pay your rent or mortgage.  And if you’re in self-isolation, you may also be anxious about being alone, of not having enough food and supplies, or of not being able to get out to help others. These can indeed be a heavy weight to bear.

There is much in the world over which we have no control. The virus, the casualties, the media, the stats. While we cannot change these things, we do have control over how we respond to them. Worrying about something bad happening is not going to prevent it happening.  If we allow fear or anxiety to dominate our daily lives, we diminish our capacity for resourcefulness, for creativity, for kindness, and for love.

Five things you can do to help your peace of mind:

1. Acknowledge your fear or anxiety

Fear is a natural and healthy response when facing threatening events. It is designed to keep us alive.  Anxiety is a normal reaction to uncertainty. In times like these, fear or anxiety are inevitable and should be acknowledged. I am not suggesting you try to suppress these emotions, but instead understand and accept what they are. Get clear on exactly what you are afraid of.  Notice if you have the fear - or if the fear has you. It can be helpful to write them down, get them out of your head.

2. Focus on ‘What is’, not ‘What if…’

Be present to this very moment - to what is going on with you right now.  Notice where you’re sitting or standing and scan your body to see where you’re holding any tension. Be mindful of your breathing-in and breathing-out, noticing the rise and fall of your chest and appreciate the life-giving oxygen flowing to and from your brain. Notice the fear and accept it for what it is. It’s OK.  Meditation is a calm and effective way to ground yourself in the present moment. When those worrying thoughts creep in about what might lie ahead, know that worrying changes nothing, so let them go. Accept the things you cannot change and make a plan to take action on those you can.

3. Connect with your authentic self

While social and self-isolation can be a scary thing for some, it is also an opportunity for deep self-reflection and self-connection. Without the usual distractions of shopping, playing sports, or meeting friends for drinks, it is easy to feel lonely after a while, and possibly to slide into a vortex of negative emotions.  So instead, take this time alone to think about what you want to do with your life, and look for purpose and meaning beyond our current crisis. Writing can be a helpful witness to really getting to know your authentic self. Designing your life and focusing on a more positive future not only reduces fear but also boosts your immune function.

4. Find something to appreciate

For all of us, it’s easy to get caught up in the news and the wave of negativity that is sweeping across our planet. So instead of getting swept downward in a spiral of fear, find something to appreciate, look for something positive. There is a silver lining if you look for it. There will be something, if not many things, that you can be grateful for.  But you have to go find them with intention, otherwise all you’ll see is fear or anxiety. Right now, concentrate on something positive and meaningful.

5. Think of new ways to connect with others

In these times, our relationships with others become ever more important.  In your social or self-isolation, find other ways to reach out to friends, family and neighbours.  Anxiety is contagious, so is kindness. So while you may become aware of other people’s distress and needs, stay true to your authentic self - be a good listener and offer calm support.  You will both benefit from this connection.

I want to help ….

I myself am in self-isolation as my husband recently returned from England.  While we too worry about issues relating to health, business and paying the mortgage, we know there are many others in much worse shape than us. At least we have each other in our isolation.

While I may not be able to remove your fear, nor come and sit on the couch beside you, I can still use my experience as a certified Integral and Purpose Coach to help you find some peace of mind and a more positive way forward in these uncertain times.

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What really matters to you?

It’s about purpose ….

Someone asked me the other day: “What are you most afraid of?’ I was thrilled - it’s one of my favourite questions. For me it’s a door opener into a deeper conversation about life; it gets people thinking, opening up, being more vulnerable.  It leads to connection and greater intimacy, expressing our human beingness. I love asking that question. But then I realized … I’m not so good at answering it for myself!

Mother Nature knows

I was pondering this question on my walk in the forest this morning, as I sloshed my way through the puddles and laughed when the spray blew up into my face from the racing river below.  I often find answers to those deeper tricky-to-answer questions by turning to Mother Nature to see what messages she has, providing clarity for my thinking.

So it was this morning, as I carefully walked down the slippery steps, slimy and green from all this rain, that I was pondering on ‘what am I afraid of?’.  Then, as the path leveled out beneath my feet, answers began to flow in my head, like the river beside me, murky and swirling in places, then gushing and spewing its way through the narrower chasms, its fine spray enveloping me in an enchanting perspective of life through the mist.

Am I afraid of not being happy?

That was my immediate answer, but my thoughts continued to swirl like the river churning beside me.  Am I afraid of dying? Or worse, living an unfulfilled life? Uncertainty prevailed. But just as I stepped up onto a big rock at the river’s edge, focusing my gaze on the opposite bank, I knew with sudden clarity the answer I’d been looking for.  I’m afraid that I don’t matter. With a surge of emotion rising up inside me, matching the equally powerful downpour around me – I knew this was the truth.

It’s not that I’m looking to accomplish great things for the sake of achieving greatness, nor is it to have people whisper my name in awe after I’m dead and gone – but it’s important to me to do something useful, to not waste this precious thing called life, to do something that matters.

I have a choice

I have such an advantage over those who are dying of starvation, or who travel alone in a hostile world leaving family buried under rubble. I feel it’s my duty, my obligation to do something useful with my life.  From this place of privilege, abundance, peace, and good health, I have the choice to do something with my life - or not.

It’s important for me to do work that matters, making a positive difference in people’s lives, contributing to the greater good, raising global consciousness.

To be the best we can be

As individuals, it’s not just the work we do that matters, but who we are that matters.  We can be full of doubts and fears, and worry that we’re not good enough or big enough to make the difference we want to make - playing small instead. 

Or, in the face of overwhelming odds (those pesky doubts we have about ourselves), we can realize our own unique potential and step up to the challenge of being the very best we can be.

This lies at the heart of many conversations I’ve had recently, bubbling up from people of all ages. It’s a conversation about ‘purpose.’

Making a difference

As I looked up through the raindrops this morning at the magnificent Douglas Firs towering above me, I recognized myself as a mere microcosm in the grand scheme of the universe, less than a seven-billionth member of the human race.  So, what on earth can I do that would actually make a difference, that would actually matter? I know I have the potential to do something useful with my life – but what? 

When I look at the pain and suffering in the world, I somehow feel ashamed, embarrassed that as human beings we’re not pulling together to halt the steady degradation caused by our greed for wealth, power and comfort.  For those of us who are trying to do something good, it’s sometimes hard to stay the course when we see how much injustice there is in the world, and how much corruption and fake news seem to win the day.

How can I possibly make a difference when all that’s going on? When the problems are so huge, what can I, just little old me, do about it?

We all have a purpose

Looking upstream, it suddenly dawned on me that the waterfall cascading down above me is made up of gazillions of water droplets, each one contributing to the whole beautiful swirling river on its way out to sea. Each and every droplet has a purpose - supporting Nature, nurturing life.

As this tiny human being in the great cosmos of life, I alone cannot solve the world’s problems, but I can make a small but valuable contribution, fulfilling my role as a fully expressed, loving human being.

Every task I complete with love and compassion, no matter how small in the outside world, is a stepping stone to a life of integrity and fulfillment in my inside world. 

So, what am I really afraid of?  I’m afraid of not living up to my potential or fulfilling my purpose, of not expressing who I really am, of not doing my very best.

That’s what really matters

Still standing in the rain, I was again in awe of Mother Nature’s wise counsel:  The best I can do is the best I can be. Helping others find their own unique purpose – to be the best they can be – that’s what really matters to me. Like the countless droplets in the river beside me, as we flow down the river of life, we will collectively help humanity to be the best we can be.  And that’s what really matters to the world.

So, what really matters to you?

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Five things to help you reveal your potential

1. Be grateful - appreciate what you have and listen to the wisdom of Mother Nature 

2. Have compassion - remember we all have feelings, be gentle and help your fellow humans 

3. Be authentic - don’t try and be someone you’re not - just be your true Self. You’re perfect the way you are

4. Play a bigger game - don’t take the easy route, step up, make a difference every day 

5. Be curious - pay attention to messages from the Universe, there are signposts all the way

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20/20 Vision in 2020

Setting your sights on a fresh start for the next decade

This new year is no ordinary year!  2020 marks the end of a decade and the possibility of new beginnings in our life.  Whether or not this past decade has a happy, sad or so-so ending, it’s a good time to pause, take our bearings, reset our compass, and plan for the next 10 precious years of our life.  But you’ll need 20/20 vision to see the best way forward.

Completing the past decade

To achieve that kind of clarity, it’s a good idea to review the last decade and clear up any hangovers that may sneak in to sabotage our future plans. Yes, it’s time to complete that part of our life -- celebrate our wins and mourn our losses. Completion is a powerful way to acknowledge and accept the past - the good and the bad - and a necessary cleansing process if we want clear 20/20 vision for the next decade. What better time to reflect on where we’ve been, what we’ve done (or not done), and what we’ve learned in the last ten years. 

We cannot change what happened but we can forgive ourselves and others for the misdeeds of the past. No matter how ‘bad’ or painful they might have been, it’s important to learn from them so that we can leave the past in the past and grow forward with wisdom that only comes from deep life experience. 

It takes courage

We’ve created a society that lives for comfort and luxury to avoid pain and discomfort, yet often that’s where our greatest lessons occur. Let’s not hide from painful moments; but take courage and look for the opportunity to learn from them. Have compassion for ourselves and for others, and trust that we have been given exactly what we need - not necessarily what we want!

We cannot recreate the past, no matter how brilliant that first experience was. Let’s celebrate those and other ecstatic moments, and place them in our portfolio of happy memories to be drawn on in darker times. Take those lessons and add them to our onward journey of personal growth and conscious awareness.

Looking back

Much like looking in a rear-view mirror, I can look back at the course of my last decade, and see that my journey has taken me past many milestones through a multi-coloured landscape of mishaps and misfortunes and of magical moments I will never forget. 

When I turn the mirror to a certain angle, I can see the darker moments of those years, like closing my business, selling our family home, and losing my best friend to diabetes. 

In each of those memories, I can dwell in regret and sadness, but truthfully, each experience has taught me so much about myself and brought me to where I am today.  I would be less of a person had I not had those experiences, painful though they were.

We can choose

But when I adjust that mirror to a different angle, I can see the highlights of that same journey - like moving to a new house, becoming a certified coach, seeing my children graduate, and cozy Sunday family dinners.

It’s up to us to choose the angle of that rear-view mirror. Whether we mourn our losses or relive the happy moments, we can learn from our experiences, celebrate the brilliance of life, and express gratitude for the opportunities we’ve had to grow. 

The Here and Now

Whichever way you look at it, we cannot design our future from our past; only from the present.  It’s time to complete that part of our journey - the last decade - and acknowledge the road that brought us here, including the wrong turns and the right ones. Let’s take the time now to reflect and appreciate our life, our body, our family, our friends, and those others who helped us along the way.

Designing our future

Having adjusted our rear-view mirror and cleared the mist behind us, we can now look forward with 20/20 vision and set our compass for a new destination.

If this were an ordinary year, many of us would take this time to start planning, setting goals, and bolstering our self-discipline to carry out our new year’s resolutions.  But even with the best intentions, these often fade and fizzle as life gets busy and our best laid plans get derailed by last year’s wrong turns. 

Who do I want to be?

So, instead of coming up with just another new year’s resolution, let’s take the time to complete the past, reset our compass, adjust our mirror, and set a new course to fulfill our vision for the next ten years.  And ask ourselves: “Who am I going to be?”, “What difference will I make?”, and “In 2030, will I look back knowing I lived my best life?”. I hope it’s full of scary moments, rich and deep adventures, loving connections and compassion for those less fortunate, so that we may become who we are truly meant to be in this next, most important decade of our life.

Wishing you all a very Happy New Decade!

Charlie

If you’d like help in completing the past decade, choosing a new destination, and setting a course to get there, I’d be happy to help.  As a certified Integral and purpose coach, I can help you plan the way forward and step into a new way of being to fulfill your ten year vision.